There are encounters that seem purely coincidental, yet they leave a profound mark. Some people, no matter how far apart they are, somehow keep running into each other. Meanwhile, some relationships, despite all efforts, simply cannot last. Is this truly fate or coincidence, or is there something deeper at play?
The concept of predestined relationships in life is not only present in folklore but also discussed in Buddhism and even modern psychology. Looking at it from different perspectives, one can see that meaningful connections in love are not solely dictated by destiny—they also depend on how people treat each other.
Predestined Affinity in Buddhism: Every Encounter Has a Reason
According to Buddhism, no meeting happens by chance. Every relationship is the result of past karma and karmic bonds and fate.
Predestined affinity can be categorized into three types:
- Good affinity: Brings harmony and support in life. These may be friendships, fulfilling romantic relationships, or mentors who help us grow.
- Karmic debt: Comes with emotional attachment but also hardships and suffering. Relationships of this kind often involve cycles of breaking up and reuniting multiple times.
- Unripe affinity: A connection exists, but circumstances prevent the two from staying together. This could be due to timing or unresolved karma that has yet to mature.
For example, some couples deeply love each other but cannot stay together. After years apart, when they reunite, they find that they have grown, and their connection becomes more effortless. This could mean their affinity was unripe before, but now it has matured.
Signs of a Deep Predestined Connection
Without relying on fortune-telling or supernatural beliefs, there are certain signs of a deep connection between two people:
- A sense of familiarity upon the first meeting, as if you’ve known each other before.
- Continuously running into each other by chance, without any prior arrangement.
- Remaining connected even when apart, even without consciously seeking each other out.
- Feeling comfortable together without needing to force or try too hard.
- Having a deep resonance in thoughts and values, even if you are not completely alike.
However, not every strong connection is a “good affinity.” Some relationships, despite their intensity, are filled with suffering. If a relationship continuously brings pain, it may be a karmic debt that needs resolution rather than something to cling to.
In psychology, this phenomenon can be explained by the spiritual connection with someone concept and the “mere exposure effect”—people tend to feel attached to what is familiar, even if it is not necessarily good for them. This is why some individuals, despite knowing a relationship is unhealthy, still struggle to walk away.
Can Affinity Be Changed?
In the Anguttara Nikaya, Chapter IV, the Buddha teaches:
“Bhikkhus, if there were no causes and conditions, nothing would arise. But if there are causes and conditions, things come into being. When causes and conditions change, things also change and disappear.”
This means no relationship is permanently fixed. Meetings and separations are not predetermined by fate; they can change depending on how people treat each other.
- Sowing good seeds: A lasting relationship is not just about initial compatibility but also about sincerity, appreciation, and mutual understanding over time.
- Actively nurturing relationships: No affinity naturally flourishes without effort. Every meaningful connection in love requires dedication from both sides.
- Learning to let go when necessary: If a relationship only brings pain, sometimes the best way to resolve it is not to try changing the other person but to walk away.
Affinity is not something that exists in a fixed state; it operates according to the law of cause and effect. If we sow the right causes, we can cultivate good affinity, and if we understand how to transform karma, we can release burdensome attachments.
