Forgiveness – a noble ideal or a psychological trap? In books, the meaning of forgiveness is praised as a miraculous way to free oneself from hatred. But in real life, when the pain still lingers, when the perpetrator continues to live without remorse, does the power of forgiveness truly set us free, or is it just a way to escape harsh reality?
1. Jesus and the Lesson of Forgiveness
When talking about forgiveness, one cannot ignore Jesus Christ. He was insulted, betrayed, and ultimately crucified. Yet, even in His most excruciating moment, He prayed:
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
This act became the ultimate symbol of mercy. But one thought-provoking question arises:
- Jesus forgave those who crucified Him, but that did not mean they escaped the consequences of their actions.
- He preached love and kindness, but He also overturned the tables of the money changers in the temple when they desecrated a sacred place.
This shows that forgiveness does not mean tolerance, and compassion does not equate to accepting injustice.
A modern example of this is the story of Immaculée Ilibagiza. She lost her entire family in the 1994 Rwandan genocide, yet she chose to forgive—not because the murderer deserved it, but because she refused to let hatred consume the rest of her life. This is the type of forgiveness Jesus spoke about—an act of liberation for the forgiver, not a free pass for the wrongdoer.
2. Forgiveness: Liberation or Overlooking Injustice?
We often hear, “Forgiveness helps you let go of the burden in your heart.” But if that means allowing wrongdoers to continue their harmful actions, can forgiveness still be considered a noble act?
Consider these situations:
- A child abuser is forgiven but never held accountable.
- A traitor is pardoned, only to betray others again.
- A government oppresses its people, then demands they “move on” without justice.
In these cases, forgiveness in reality is no longer an act of virtue but an excuse for wrongdoers to avoid responsibility. If forgiveness becomes a tool to force victims to accept injustice, it is not strength—it is surrender.
Even Jesus called for forgiveness, but He also preached:
“Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16).
Forgiveness does not mean allowing yourself to be exploited. If forgiveness is not accompanied by justice, it is merely a compromise with wrongdoing.
3. Forgiveness Does Not Mean Forgetting
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or justifying the wrong. It only has value when it comes with awareness, justice, and true change.
Here’s another story:
A father lost his daughter to a murderer. The killer was arrested and served his sentence. Upon release, he apologized to the victim’s father. The father looked at him and said:
“I do not hate you anymore, but I cannot forgive you. Because forgiveness only has meaning when the forgiven has truly changed.”
This statement reflects a reality: forgiveness is not an obligation, and it is not always the right choice. Forgiveness and justice must go hand in hand because a society where criminals go unpunished turns forgiveness into an empty word.
The Bible also makes this clear:
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).
But “good” here does not mean unconditional forgiveness; it means standing for what is right.
4. Forgiveness: A Choice or Social Pressure?
Society often imposes the belief that “forgiveness is the right thing to do.” Victims are frequently told to “let go of the past,” while perpetrators are rarely required to change.
- The betrayed are told to forgive, but do betrayers ever truly repent?
- The wronged are told to move on, but do the guilty ever take responsibility?
This creates an invisible injustice: forgiveness is no longer a personal freedom but a duty forced upon victims.
Even Jesus did not demand immediate forgiveness. When someone sinned, He taught:
“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them” (Luke 17:3).
Forgiveness only holds meaning when the wrongdoer truly acknowledges their fault and changes. Otherwise, forgiveness is just weakness disguised as kindness.
5. So, What Is True Forgiveness?
True forgiveness must be a deliberate and conditional act. It is not surrender but rather:
- A personal choice, not a societal obligation.
- A way to liberate oneself, but not a means to overlook justice.
- A path to healing, but only when the wrongdoer has truly changed.
Jesus taught forgiveness, but He never asked people to accept injustice without resistance. He forgave those who crucified Him, yet He also condemned the hypocrites and the corrupt.
So, the final question remains:
If your enemy has never repented, do you really need to forgive them?
